


Running Wagers

by Chairman



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: M/M, POV Multiple, Shenanigans, but mainly Zagreus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27297424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chairman/pseuds/Chairman
Summary: Zagreus makes a bet with Charon: he should take a chance with his professional associate Hermes. What Zagreus doesn't know is that wagers between gods are not always that simple.
Relationships: Charon/Hermes (Hades Video Game), background Zagreus/Thanatos/Megaera (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 173





	Running Wagers

**Author's Note:**

> This video game is forcing me to write the fic I want to see in the world. Not beta'd, we die like men.

Zagreus leans against Varatha, panting as blood drips down his sides and strange purple smoke has yet to clear from his lungs. If he bruised like mortals, he thinks, there would be great purple ones blossoming on his torso and legs. 

Charon does not pull punches, even though their battles in Erebus are now less retaliation for “borrowing” obols and more friendly bouts between two skilled fighters. The shiny discount card the boatman doles out in the end is still very much appreciated, however, especially given how Zagreus intends to use that coin at the nearest well to heal some of his wounds. A Kiss of Styx would go down wonderfully. Damn that pause in battle where Charon just floated in the air, not attacking. Zagreus had assumed that the battle was over, only to take an oar to the face. Only the vast amount of darkness he has paid to the Mirror of Night prevented him from dying for real then and there, greeting death once more and waking up in the River Styx. Would have saved Charon the trouble of finding him. 

Dying is less disappointing now and more a matter for the course as the Underworld’s security manager. 

To be fair, however, this time the battle didn’t start with Zagreus “borrowing” from Charon’s stash. No, he was cast into Charon’s little corner of Erebus because he dared to ask a simple question:

“So, you and Hermes, huh?”

Now that the battle has ended with Zagreus still standing, he dares to ask the question again. “So, am I too off base if I assume that there’s something going on between you two?”

“Grrrraaaaahhhh,” Charon moans, wavering a bit in the air (a sign of the battle’s tolls). He ruffles through his robes and tosses the coupon towards Zagreus.

Zagreus catches it but throws it back to the ferryman. “Maybe not today, mate, I have a better offer for you. How about a wager?”

“Hhhhhhgghh?”

“I think you have a real shot with Hermes, I think you should go for it. I would offer to relay some messages, but it seems that he gets to you faster than I do. So just saying, as an observer, you two would make a good couple.”

“Rrrruuuuuugh.”

“What’s the wager then? How about this. If I’m wrong, I’ll give you ten bottles of ambrosia for your troubles. And if I’m right, I get the satisfaction of getting you two together.”

Charon watches him impassively, causing the hairs on the back of Zagreus’ neck to stand up as if he were standing on the cold surface. Finally, the prince is teleported back to the green fields of Elysium. He looks down and sees the discount pass in his hand.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

-

“I heard from Hypnos that Zagreus is trying to get Charon and Hermes together,” Dusa chatters, bobbing gently up and down in the lounge as scintillating light dances from the crystal sphere hanging in the corner.

“Really,” Megaera hums, taking another drink from her glass. “He’s getting bold with his meddling. Going all the way from couple’s counselor to matchmaker.”

“I mean, he’s done a good job so far with Orpheus and Master Achilles.” 

“Two’s not exactly a stellar streak.”

“I think it’s sweet of him to try. Although,” Dusa looks around to make sure no important shades are nearby. Across the room, the Wretched Broker winks. “There’s something I know that might put a wrench in his bet.” 

She floats closer to Meg and whispers into her ear. The Fury’s stoic countenance is broken by a smirk. “I’d like to put a few obols down for that.”

-

“Hi, Zagreus. Here’s your boon, not that you’ve earned it. Bye.” With that, Artemis’ presence disappears, leaving the sharp smell of the forest behind. 

“I think she’s mad at me,” Zagreus says to the pillar on his left. As he proceeds to the next room, he tries to think of ways he might have offended her. Communication with her hasn’t been strained since they hashed out the fact that she was definitely not interested in men, and that Zagreus’ gifts to her were entirely platonic. 

Has he not been using the bow too much? The huntress did comment on how noisy Exagryph is compared to Coronacht, but other than that he didn’t take her for a weapons snob. He hasn’t rejected her in favor of another god during a trial recently (partially because she’s been decent enough to not force him to choose these past few runs). What else could he have done to earn her ire?

He finds Charon at his shop as usual, his wares neatly laid out on the banks of the Phlegethon. After some browsing and some less buying, Zagreus turns to the sometimes-shopkeeper and gives him a tentative thumbs up.

“Things going well with Hermes?”

Charon raises his hand and gives a neutral gesture. The other hand clutches his oar tighter, and Zagreus leaves before he’s sent spiraling down to Erebus again. 

-

Dionysus, in contrast, seems happier than usual when Zagreus calls on him.

“Hey Zag, how’s my favorite cousin doing? I’ve got to say, I just held the wildest party in your honor, and I’m using my words carefully”

“I’m pleased to hear that, Lord Dionysus,” Zagreus smiles, genuinely happy but also a bit confused. Why in the world is Dionysus holding parties in his honor? When Zagreus voiced this question out loud, the Olympian merely laughed, filling the stale air around Zagreus with the scent of wine and smoke.

“Just won a little bet with my dear half-sister Artemis is all, and she had to pony up and catch me a live boar. It was a hoot chasing it around the forest, and in the end the mortals sacrificed it in my name. All thanks to your friendly demeanor, Zag.”

Though he feels pity for Artemis, Zagreus can’t help but chuckle at Dionysus’ antics. “I’m glad you had a good time, wish I’d been there. Though out of curiosity, how did I help out when I’m down here in the Underworld?”

“Now it’s the funniest thing, Zag, we weren’t actually betting on you. See, we recently noticed our brother Hermes running a bit—well, not late exactly but distracted, especially right after he hands off souls in the Underworld. We assumed he was consorting with a Chthonic god of some sort, and a couple of us put some favors down to see if we could sus out which one it was. Dear Artemis, she put you down as her pick! I don’t know where she’s coming from, I don’t think you two met until the feast.”

Zagreus twitches a bit at this statement. The other gods aren’t supposed to know that Hermes is helping him, but if Artemis has sensed his presence for some time and only used the knowledge to get a (false) leg up on a bet, well, maybe Zagreus can trust her to continue keeping it to herself.

“Well, Zag, don’t just stand there, I don’t have all day for you to pick which vintage you prefer—I am a very busy man with many parties to plan.” Dionysus is already starting to fade away, leaving Zagreus alone in the ever-shifting Underworld.

Before the smell of sulfur completely replaces the smell of wine, Zagreus shouts into the aether: “Glad I could help!”

-

Someone other than Charon waits for Zagreus at the Temple of Styx.

A gentle orange aura surrounds the man, who doesn’t float so much as flutter in the air. Golden wings adorn his head and his heels, a satchel slung over the shoulder and the muscled legs of a runner. 

Charon is there too, attending to a queue of shades whose faint outlines still holds a bit of the surface’s light. An exchange of souls as is the psychopomp’s duty. Funny Zagreus hasn’t stumbled on the pair more often, given the frequency of his “security checks.”

The two of them are talking about something, Zagreus is too far away to hear. Charon mumbles something, smoke billowing from his mouth, and Hermes laughs. It’s the first time Zagreus has heard him laugh, he realizes—the messenger god usually is more of a grin-and-smirk kind of god, but here he is openly guffawing, the light around him glowing soft and warm. It’s honestly kind of adorable and makes Zagreus happy that he is helping them get together. They clearly care for each other, and though they are opposites in terms of personality, they seem to bring out the best in each other.

Zagreus makes sure to step loudly as he nears them to get their attention. “Fancy seeing you here on business, Lord Hermes.” 

Without missing a beat, Hermes pivots in the air and gives Zagreus a small salute. “Pleasure’s all mine, coz, thought I’d bump into you since speaking with you last in Asphodel. Making good progress and all, I hear you’ve been giving your old man a hard time up in the surface. None of my business but I do see the odd flying skull and vicious bloodshed as I’m passing by. Though I’m sorry for holding you up, you’re now a full five minutes behind your best time. Better hop to it!”

The air shimmers around the Olympian, but then abruptly stops. In a blur of orange Hermes zips past Zagreus and is back at Charon’s side. “Oh, and happy anniversary my dear,” he says, placing a kiss on the boatman’s cheek.

Zagreus internally pumps his fist as his heart is about to explode from the cuteness. It always makes him happy to see couples together: Orpheus and Eurydice, Achilles and Patroclus. When they are together it seems like they create a smaller world around him that Zagreus is only passing through, a spectator on the other side of the glass. He’s happy for them, and surely he’s had the same expression before when talking with Than or Meg.

“See, Charon mate, I told you it would work out. Happy for you, and happy to have won the wager.”

“Uh-uh,” Hermes says, wagging a finger. “The terms of the wager were that he would be successful in initiating a relationship with me. Which he already has. A long time ago. Before the wager started.”

The sentence Hermes uttered finally registers. Anniversary…the wager is only a few weeks old.

“Wait,” Zagreus sputters. “You were together the whole time??”

“I mean, we didn’t label it for a while but if you put it that way,” Hermes shrugs. “We’ve been together since before I met you. Have him to thank for my help, in any regard, otherwise I’d be staying out of this whole business for the sake of professionalism. But I guess I’m a softie if it’s my partner asks too many times.”

This time, Zagreus understands that he means “partner” in many different definitions of the word. 

“Hey, Charon?” Zagreus mutters as Hermes disappears in a flutter of wind and wings. “Do you care to go for a round?” At this point, his pride is hurt enough that he’d rather die by the boatman’s hands than face death by his father’s spear or satyr spittle.

“Hhhhhehh,” Charon chuckles, but instead of taking a stance with his oar he holds out a bony hand. “Hhhhaaaaahhh.”

The hot-footed prince’s blood runs cold. “Oh, right, the ten ambrosia.” Zagreus doesn’t bother checking his pockets; he hasn’t held that much ambrosia since the feast with his extended family. “Do you take I.O.U.’s?”

On one hand, Charon finally heeds his first request and transports them to Erebus for battle. On the other hand, Zagreus must now face both debt and and ignoble death.

-

Stepping out of the River Styx this time feels like the definitive walk of shame. His mood is soured even more as he glances about the hall and doesn’t see Persephone anywhere. His worse parent is scribbling at his desk as usual, but Zagreus doesn’t expect much comfort from his father.

At least there’s one cheerful presence he can count on when he returns home.

“Hey Zagreus, you haven’t been killed by my brother in a while! Did you do something to make him especially angry?” Hypnos languidly hangs in the air as he reads from his parchment.

“Actually, Hypnos, I’d like to amend that record if you don’t mind. Can you replace ‘Charon’ with ‘Unbearable shame?’”

“Huh, haven’t heard of that one!”

“I’m sure you haven’t,” Zagreus thinks to himself, but cheers up a bit more as he sees his favorite Fury and floating gorgon head approaching together. He is about to wave them down to chat but Hypnos is faster.

“Hey Meg,” he calls. “Have you heard of somebody dying of unbearable shame?”

Megaera glances over at Zagreus with the smallest hint of a smirk. “Can’t say I have, Hypnos. Why, did Zag over here die from it?”

“Yeah, he says Charon didn’t kill him this time, unbearable shame did. Any ideas Dusa?”

“O-oh, um,” Dusa stammers a bit, “I don’t think the prince is the type of person to be ashamed of much. He’s such a nice and friendly person, I can’t imagine him doing anything shameful.”

“Meg surely can,” Zagreus says. Maybe he can change the subject and get away from this conversation, or he may just die a second time from unbearable shame.

“Perhaps I can illuminate the situation,” a soft voice sounds from the River Styx as Thanatos approaches. Despite himself, Zagreus smiles a bit as Death approaches.

“I just ran into Hermes and he told me that Zag apparently made a bet with Charon that he’d be successful courting Hermes. Unfortunately for Zag, my brother has been with Hermes for…” Here he closes his eyes and seems to count for a few seconds, “two years now.”

“Before I even met him,” Zagreus mutters.

“You got hustled,” Megaera deadpans. “Serves you right.”

Dusa bobs up and down nervously. “Well, at least you didn’t wager anything important. You didn’t wager anything too important, right?”

“Just ten bottles of ambrosia.”

“You’re going to be fighting in Elysium for a while,” Meg whistles.

“Honestly I’m angrier about the principle of the whole thing,” Zagreus groans. “I got bamboozled!”

“What can I say,” Thanatos shrugs. “My brother hates losing.”

“Speaking of losing!” Hypnos pipes in. “We’ve got some scores to settle now that ‘Operation: Boatmessenger’ is complete.”

“Boat messenger?”

“One word,” Thanatos groans. “He insists that it’s one word and he keeps calling our brother’s relationship with Hermes that ridiculous portmanteau.”

“It’s catchy!”

Thanatos rolls his eyes.

“So the outcome of Zagreus trying to get my brother together with someone he’s already together with is…hm, I don’t know if Meg wins with ‘Gets humiliated’ or Than gets it with ‘a complete waste of time.’”

“I’d argue it wasn’t a complete waste of time,” Zagreus says. “Despite being much poorer in ambrosia, I now know a wonderful secret I can egg Charon about if I get annoyed with his prices.”

“Well, there you have it!” Hypnos says, throwing up his hands. “Meg wins, congrats!” 

At this, Megaera smirks and checks Thanatos’ shoulder. “Let me know how the game goes. If you have time to play after he explains all of the rules.”

An expression much like disgust blossoms on Than’s face.

Zagreus watches the exchange with confusion, not knowing that soon afterwards Than will finally acquiesce and schedule a game night with him. As Meg predicted they will spend half the time discussing the rules, but at last the game table will be used to its fullest purpose until it is unceremoniously flipped by a frustrated Underworld prince.

There will be many game nights ahead, just as there will be many wagers in store. However, at this point Zagreus is too burned out to care.

“Are there any other bets about this I should know about?”

In the background, Orpheus sadly hands Achilles a pouch of obols.

**Author's Note:**

> Figuring out who won which wager was both the most difficult and most fun. Here's justification for how the betting went:
> 
> Artemis: is projecting how she's cagey with Callisto onto Zagreus and Hermes. Thinks she's being slick connecting the dots but she hasn't.
> 
> Dionysus: is point zero on the nectar/ambrosia smuggling unit and thus figured out Hermes/Charon was a thing early on
> 
> Dusa: Got intel because Hermes also sometimes handles deliveries to the House.
> 
> Meg: Has no faith in Zagreus
> 
> Than: Is not interested and doesn't really care
> 
> Orpheus: believes in Zagreus a little too much
> 
> Achilles: based on the codex entry he already knew that hermes and charon were a thing


End file.
